Cards

What do I talk of when I talk
What do I think when I fumble like a fool
What are the eternal truths I deny
In the forgetfulness of a lost youth

What are the ideals I long for
The comfort of a lovers flesh
I hope for salvation and life
Though with my heart I transgress

Is it my indignation I bear
That so turns the world away
The grim facade of a damaged soul
That should my fate betray

Oh the words are but corpses
Whitewashed for all to see
The photos all have families contained
But not a picture of me

These walls are closing in
Day by day closer still
Till the breath escapes these tired lungs
And dreaming has lost its thrill

If you could stop a moment
Find the time to rescue me
From a lifetime of loneliness
Then you would set me free

I have no use for money
Too much is worse than none
I have no use for tired old things
And I have no place to run

I may not be able to stop the hands of time
But I could destroy the hourglass that holds
Time to play this final hand of cards
And I believe that I will fold

Better days

I wasn’t born a failure
You’re lack of compassion won’t make me one
I will live, breathe, I’m broken but I’ll mend
Im not alone, even if everyone is gone

I hate this empty feeling
And I won’t sleep with regret
Better days are coming
Because I will forget

I surrender to the silence
I close my eyes and I’ll say goodnight
I’ll dream some day again
But not of what won’t be realized

I was sinking
And I might again
Who knows what tomorrow holds
But this heart will remain

Time

All that remains are pictures
A book I’ll never open again
The dust gets thicker like my memory
I am not who I was back then
I can still feel the beach sand
The sounds of the gulls and the sea
Watching the day ending
Like the end of you loving me
I don’t know where it began
Or how you become someone i once knew
We get but one opportunity
And my only one was you

Women

Some say they marry for love
Other women marry for money
Some want a man with a fancy degree
Sorry, I’m not that guy honey

Some women want a sculpted man
Others want a lawyer or a doctor
Some want a lap dog to stay at home
If it’s any of those rather don’t bother

So where is the real world?
The one where love conquers all
Not a dismal soap opera
Where everything else matters more

I don’t want half measures
You’re either out or you’re in
I’m not spending anymore days
Trying get someone out of my skin

What happened to honour
Or till death do us part
We just leave when it’s inconvenient
And break someone’s heart

Is it just comfortable
A means to an end
You want a pretty wedding and bills to be paid
So we just lie and pretend?

Is it pretences or social standing
So you can brag to your friends
I want something more
Someone who’ll be there in the end

Do we just stick around
Until someone better comes along
I ain’t no Saint
But this shit is wrong

What happened to life
Just doing the small things together
I don’t want a year or a day
I’m looking for forever

Maybe my timing is off
Perhaps I live in the wrong time
I don’t want someone who is everyone’s
Just someone that’s mine

Share this:

You can only be my everything, when I become more than your something.

Scars

This is who I am

Daggers and scars and wounds

A face that I’d rather hide in the dark

I walked in the light once before

Smiled and looked at the sky

Until the world ripped out my heart

I am the lost

The one that longs for hope

The hungry, wretched and afraid

I have nowhere left to go

I am divided by a figure I can’t describe

I am the addict you cannot dissuade

I am anger, bitterness and bile

The turned over scapegoat of a rotten world

Blistered from too many burns

I am the one that nobody wanted

I am the wicked that has come to its end

The simple fool that never learns

I am bound by ropes I cannot see

The lies, words, complicated travesty

Screaming, pleading, begging for mercy

Eyes held open so that I can’t look away

Frozen in the winter of my discontent

A lifelong, eternal tragedy

There are no reasons, no simple conclusion

The words and promises just lead to confusion

Another body that lies here ready to betray

Same paths, same roads, nothing left to say

I spend all day talking as if someone was there

It’s all different, and I’m still the same

Hear me, the anguish of one thrown away

Lie to me, tell me that I’m going to be ok

Be accountable for your sin

I’m knocking, I’m sitting at your door

I’m so close to walking away

Go on, let me in

Conditioned to believe that I’m broken

The ugly truth of redemption that is not for me

Listen to the lack of regret

The defiled agreement that we made

Is there any truth on which I can count

A perfect something I don’t need to forget

Routine

I keep repeating the same routine
Patterns, held in space, in a time
Eight thirty, sit in the bath
Be up for work,  each morning at five

It’s a new day of my life
Yet no different to that before
Wake, work, sleep, pray
Till I don’t want to anymore

The same thoughts
Mundane repetition of obscure ideas
Waiting for something to happen
Wondering if there is some purpose here

payday on the 20th
Debit orders on the first
I don’t bother drinking anymore
Because it cannot quench this thirst

Feels like I keep hearing
The same old song
The record of my life is broken
And all I thought I had is gone

So what if I complain
Who cares that every day is exactly the same
If I live a full life
Another 60 years still remain

Of the same coffee
The same view from my room
The same drive home from the office
The same sense of doom

Ivory and ocean

I’m cold, pale like ivory
Worn like an old black coat
Lost at sea with no sight of shore
I’m weary of the windless days
The nights of rain
The endless black storms

I forget there are stars in the sky
That there is solid ground in the world
That clouds may bring some relief
I remember smiling once
When I believed in something more
Something other than endless grief

I’ve written letters for her
And cast them into the sea
And maybe some day she might find
But I think it’s simply wishful thinking
The ocean is endless to me
And the universe is so unkind

17:13

I’ve made so many mistakes
And God knows this road is long
I’m going to be paying for them
For years after I’m gone
Look at my face
And see all the stories it will tell
I’m stuck in a past that never ends
What was my heaven has become my hell
All my deeds are dirty rags
All my desires are lost in the storm
The world is burning around me
Why was I ever born?
Tell everyone I’m sorry
Even the ones that never cared
I’m leaving for Alaska
Even though I’m not prepared
I think this is it
I got to say goodbye
I just can’t take the ashtrays and couches
And a life I cannot recognise
The cars and traffic and concrete walls
the sun that shines but never touches my skin
I’m sorry but the keys will be left in the door
Charlie Brown won’t be living here anymore
If I thought you remembered me
And the days I sat staring at your beautiful face
I can’t sit here any longer
I don’t even know if I’ll find peace some other place
But I got to go
And maybe I’ll find God in the wilderness
I can’t seem to hear Him here
And I can’t live like this

09:15

It’s sad to me that I should live now
Where everything has an expiry date
Is it so wrong to believe love should be eternal?
It’s dreadful to think
That perhaps this is my fate
And all this pain is internal

There are no drugs
Just a longing for someone I don’t yet know
There is no relief or respite
There is no cure
Just more loss and goodbyes
And another angry slight

Maybe of 7 billion
There is no one
But I pray it’s not the case
Please find me
The years are passing fast
And I long to see your face