Lost

I’m lost, neither here nor there

Beyond the arms of reality

The June black sun

We’re always lost here

So happily torn in two

An equation never being solved

The illusion of beauty

Where nothing is ever true

Forgive these transgressions

All I ever do is sin

Is there nothing I can do

To stop learning the same lessons

I know you

I know you

I’ve seen your face

While I was hiding away

Some other place

Is this life or something else?

You’re all I want to remember

And yet here I am again

Another empty December

I had waited so long

But you never did come

And in just a day or two

I’m afraid I’ll be gone

I miss the late conversations

Talking about nothing at all

And yet all those nothings

I couldn’t want anything more

It never stopped raining

The sun never did shine

I just spend my days wishing for you

Telling everyone I’m fine

And I’m learning I don’t need to be okay

I can walk around with nothing left to say

I can let the dreams stay be buried

They wouldn’t come to pass anyway

18:28

You can try to hide
But it keeps on coming
You can hope and plead
But you'll never stop running

I'm trying to get away from myself
Away from everything I see
In desperately damaged and flawed
I'm in love and in agony

Take my isolation and fear
Take my longing and fragility
Take all these words and dreams
Just take it away from me

17:50

I’m tired of death

Like 16:30 in a crack house

Yellow, fading light of dusk coming

Cigarette burnt lace curtains
I’m tired of life

Lungs filled with ash and dust

Reflected life in broken windows

Diseased, unable to move 
I’m tired of staring at the ceiling

Waiting for the same damaged dawn

Pieces of dreams litter the floor

Staining the carpets with memory
I’m drowning, I don’t care

I’m at the inevitable collapse

Diluted, a dirty blocked drain

I woke here in the dirt

here in the dirt I remain

The lament

Oh I’d kill for summer come

For a single day in the sun

I’d love a single day without rain

Just to be loved by someone 

20:53

Time runs out

Laying between the burnt out ends

Of cigarettes and empty glasses

Sometimes the ways we find

We’re never the ways we intend

Some broken hearts never mend

Probably

Maybe

And then

You found me…

Old

I’m the old jacket in the corner

Of a lonely brown apartment

The dishes piled up for days

I’m the broken window

With a torn curtain for company

Dirty in such unsightly ways

I’m the cigarette burnt carpet

With the ash of dreams in my hair

Of a life we could have made

Repeat

I have ghosts that will not leave

Like the hours after a bar has closed

Only one person left to clean up the mess

The same song just plays on repeat

Then in the desperate hours of morning

When sleep has refused to come

Laying there with no need to dream

Since the real world is a nightmare

I wish you would find me

I’d say in those moments

Loud enough perhaps you could hear

But all that answers is the silence

Followed by another day of coffee

More cigarettes and wasted smiles

Still, the same song on repeat

Sun down and sun up

Day in, day out 

Better days

I wasn’t born a failure
You’re lack of compassion won’t make me one
I will live, breathe, I’m broken but I’ll mend
Im not alone, even if everyone is gone

I hate this empty feeling
And I won’t sleep with regret
Better days are coming
Because I will forget

I surrender to the silence
I close my eyes and I’ll say goodnight
I’ll dream some day again
But not of what won’t be realized

I was sinking
And I might again
Who knows what tomorrow holds
But this heart will remain