I see you now in such a way, that every other woman on earth needs to exist in your shadow.

I am a fool, a dreadful, stupid fool. I never minded sitting around in the dark, feeling around for something that meant something…

Now I mind, you walked in and turned on a light, and each time you walk out, you take it with you…

Suddenly the night sky has stars, when I only ever knew the spaces between them. How could I not be fearful of existence going dark again?

How could I not be afraid of the longing, a new longing, a different dull, frantic bordering the fringes of insanity longing? It’s a longing like hunger or thirst, and I see you as a mirage in the desert, where I’d run and I’m so afraid I reach where it should be, only to find the thirst is deeper.

I fear I may just lay there in the dirt…


I’m tired of death

Like 16:30 in a crack house

Yellow, fading light of dusk coming

Cigarette burnt lace curtains
I’m tired of life

Lungs filled with ash and dust

Reflected life in broken windows

Diseased, unable to move 
I’m tired of staring at the ceiling

Waiting for the same damaged dawn

Pieces of dreams litter the floor

Staining the carpets with memory
I’m drowning, I don’t care

I’m at the inevitable collapse

Diluted, a dirty blocked drain

I woke here in the dirt

here in the dirt I remain


My translucent victimized skin

Dead or high forever seven

Breathing out the depths of hell

I’m but awake and forgetting heaven

Indignant I stagnate in the dream

I speak the words and yet they are obscene

Standing in the dark, forgetting me

Run from the light if only I could see

Lead me through, step by inch

Pain and longing I can’t subdue

Drink it in, feel the poison

I drink myself and share with you 


I’m losing ground

That moment you feel it break

Something deep inside
It’s the last thing you’d expect

Anger mixing with regret

Below the surface of it all
It didn’t go the way we planned

Twisted bones and anguish

Running through my fingers like sand
I have lived all these lies

Complicated and disassembled 

I forfeit, it comes as no surprise