You may look and see 

But you won’t find me here 

You may beg and plead

Yet I will simply disappear 
I’ve seen the years turn to ash

Seen the loves turn to dust

Felt the coming lonely decay

Bright Silver turned to ugly rust
I am locked in my head

With all that could have been

I have tried so hard to forget

Just what these eyes have seen


I’ll light that single candle

And I’ll remember I’m alone

I’ll sit in the flickering light

I have no answers, I don’t know
Just what difference does it make?

How much does it matter that I care?

I don’t need empty promises

I can already taste my despair
I am almost half blind

But I’ve made up my mind 

How many faces could I stare at

But you’re all I wanted to find 


I say your name

Since I like how it tastes

I’ve waited 37 years

Just to see your face 
I watch you move like a ballet

In ways I have not seen

I’ve walked through a thousand hells

To get to the one place I want to be 
I’d do it again

If I could wash up on your shore

I would sleep to forget

But I don’t want to sleep anymore


I can feel their eyes are watching

I can hear myself getting lost

I can feel the emptiness creeping up 

I can pretend to afford the cost

I can see the end of the road

The paths I never wanted to tread 

I can look away for what it’s worth

But I’d just lost myself again

Leaving notes maybe you could find

Scribbled in a rushed lonely blur

Perhaps there you could see behind

I’m here, but really I’m not sure 


In this mire I find myself

Bound and gagged 

In this fire I still burn

A man still to be hanged
I am blood and flesh

A torrent of thoughts

A flood of disease and longing

Never a one, more often the naughts 
Find me, behind the book

Beneath the broken stairs

Find the man that once was

And see if he still cares