Indignities

Moments of coherent thought
images conjured though I did not see
this, I have learnt is true rage
that which crawls and festers in me

that if I should walk into a single branch
i will burn down the entire tree
fuck, I’ll burn the forest, the world
and then rage on, till it all ends violently

Let’s not talk of moving forward
Or mentioning integrity
When all I have done is make it clear
Then you do this to me

I wanted more than fucking
I wanted more than rutting in a ditch
I wanted what I thought was your heart
But you found another to scratch your itch

You can point fingers all you like
I never said you had to wait
I expected too much
There truly is a fine line between love and hate

Questions

What if all that was said
Was meant with a different intent
That I was not the object
But rather another
Ah its just questions
Why do I bother?

What if feelings that were felt
In a tiny space of time
We’re to be applied elsewhere
Ah its just questions
Why do I care?

Why do I cross one hurdle
Then to be presented with another
Why bury one thing
Then raise a second
Ah its just questions
Driving me round the bend

Standing outside

Sad to think we will not talk again

All that was and all that could have been

Because you thought what I said was untrue

 

There are many things still

I wanted to explain perhaps you’d see

But after now, there is no point to

 

My intentions were always good

Simply to make sure we wanted the same things

But there would be no convincing you

 

Perhaps a simple coffee was too little

But I figured the big things later would come

but maybe I really just don’t have a clue

 

I don’t jump and hope not to fall

I have tried that all too many times before

And a cautious heart is a safe heart

I don’t know what I’m saying this for

Erased

I always thought I was a man
But maybe I was wrong
I spend all my time wondering
Where my life has gone

I know all my insecurities
I’ll take all the blame
I can’t help feeling I’m the moth
And you feel like the flame

I been pushed down
Beaten, thrown away and bound
I been told all the things that I am
But no answers can be found

I have all these things
And my empire is made of dirt
They tell me I should feel like a king
But all I feel is f*cking hurt

I don’t know what to say
Even now, what to believe
I have everything
Except the one thing I need

I deserve this

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Home

Morning

Cobblestones

She came in with the snow
In jeans and a pair of grey boots
At a place called cobblestones
She left in a floral blouse
In summer wearing sandals
When she walked out of my house

Do you ever think of me
When the day has come to an end
When you lay there with him
In your big fancy bed
Does my ghost haunt you
Like your specter does to me
Do my words still echo
Am I even a memory

Pray for me

I don’t think I need anyone to pray for me
I don’t even want anyone to care
I don’t need you to cry
Just get me the hell out of here

There’s nothing but ash in the water
Since I’ve been a fuck up for so very long
The most beautiful disease I’ve ever known
What’s it with me, what’s this thing that’s so wrong

Well we all asking for reasons
And I’m nothing like I used to be
I’m blood and denials
This has become the death of me

Let me die

I want to die
Like my old dreams
Of dancing in Paris
Drinking coffee in Istanbul
I never wanted this
Yes, I am a fool

I wanted to wake up in love
The kind that never dies
Now I wake on the day of my funeral
With small sandwiches and tea
Placed on tables for people that hate me

I wanted more, more than the meaningless
Endeavours of a wasted life
More than the realisation
That everything is pointless
I wanted a purpose, a reason
No I never wanted this

She killed me
They killed me
They threw me out in the dark
In the cold like like a wounded dog
Standing out like a cracked tooth
There’s no medication for this dying heart

I close my eyes
See office blocks like a 70’s photo
See bathrooms with cracked tiles
I see places I never been
I see grimacing lies
Behind all the pretty smiles

I look at the cars and houses
The empires we’ve built of shit
I look at the empty promises
No I never wanted this

I talk and talk in nonsensical circles
No patterns like a maze
I’m lost in the twilight of my life
I hear the words, see the truth
And only the pain remains

Let me die
It’s really only flesh that’s left
My soul is on fire
My heart is death